New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
