I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
