I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
