i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
