The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
