no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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