I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
