I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
