Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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