If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
