Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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