I got chris browned last night
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
