i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
