so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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