I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
