just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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