I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
