will power is for people who don't want to get laid
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
