I'm lost and stupid without you.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
All I want is dick and wine.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
