Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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