she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Terrible idea I love it
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
