having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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