if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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