Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
