I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
