just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
