the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
