So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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