My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
