Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
