got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
