Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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