I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
