Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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