hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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