oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize