Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
