There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
