Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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