I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
