We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
