I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
