so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
