The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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