How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
