i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
