They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
