Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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