I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
