Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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