He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
