I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
