just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
We need to rekindle our bromance
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize
