You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
