bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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