I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
