I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
